


I’m Not Faking Your Death Again

by nausikaaa



Series: Marvel Shitposting [3]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-09-06 08:55:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20288806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nausikaaa/pseuds/nausikaaa
Summary: Fury needs to take care of some stuff in space, so Talos offers to impersonate him on Earth when necessary. And then Nick has to go and form the Avengers...(based on Far From Home’s second end credit scene)





	I’m Not Faking Your Death Again

**Author's Note:**

> this is very short and there’s no action or anything but i wrote it at like 1 am and thought it was kinda funny so here, take it.

“Hang on, hang on, hang on. He’s a _God_?”

”Lowercase G, but yes. The god of thunder.”

Talos put his head in his hands. “Why did you think this was a good idea?”

”I need to oversee details here, so you need to stand in for me on Earth. We’ve been over this.” Fury responded. Fury had prepared folders upon folders of notes on the Avengers for Talos. The Skrull had already carried out a few small impersonations for him as a favour, but that had mostly been dealing with regular SHIELD agents. Now that the Avengers were a thing, he would have to learn to deal with things that were a little less ordinary.

”Not me impersonating you- the Avengers! You’ve got this Tony guy, this... Captain America, and how a god? What else?”

Nick Fury doesn’t know how to look nervous, but Talos had spent months perfecting impersonating his limited expressions, and Nick was perfectly displaying the closest he can get to anxiety.

“Bruce Banner. He’s a scientist, and uh... How do I put this delicately... If he gets angry, he’ll turn into a giant green rage monster who insists on smashing everything in sight.”

Several tense seconds passed in silence as Talos simply stared at Fury. Then, “You’re fucking with me, right?”

Silence.

“Fury, please tell me you’re fucking with me.”

“He’s pretty good at controlling it.”

“_Nick_”.

“Clint Barton,” Fury swiftly moved on.

“I hate you.”

”He probably won’t be around, he has the summer off with his family- by the way, don’t mention his family to anyone- but in cases of emergency he’s a good person to call.”

“Let me guess, he’s a wizard.” Talos groaned sarcastically.

”No, we leave the sorcerers to their own business-“

”WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING ON EARTH-“

“Clint is just your average shield agent. But he’s really good with a bow.” Fury brushed past the sorcerer comment like it never even occurred, leaving Talos even more concerned. “He’s trustworthy.”

“So... let me get this straight.” Talos said slowly. “The Avengers, who I may have to deal with when impersonating you, is made up of a somehow both egotistical _and_ insecure billionaire in a metal suit, a hundred-year-old veteran in prime physical fitness, a GOD-“

”Technically an alien-“

”A green rage creature-“

“Dr Banner is a actually pretty nice-“

“And... an archer.”

”There‘s also Natasha, but you don’t have to worry about her.” Fury said. Talos shot him a confused look. “I explained the whole scheme to her already. She would have figured it out soon enough anyway.”

“How? I’ll look just like you, and I’ve been playing the part on and off for years!”

“She’s SHIELD’s best spy, trained from childhood in all sorts of techniques. I suspect she knows me better than you know do, even if you are a method actor.” Fury rolled his eyes at the Skrull’s acting techniques. “Also you can’t speak Russian.”

”Does Russian crop up often in your conversations?”

”Some jokes work better in their mother tongue.”

“Fair enough.” Talos sighed. “I’ll do it. But I’m warning you now, I’m not faking your death again.”

“That was one time!” This old argument again...

”Once was enough!”

”It wasn’t that bad!”

“It was horrible! I was STABBED!”

“You lived!” Honestly, five little stabs to the chest and Talos acts as if he’s dying. Amateur.

”I don’t care!”

Ten seconds of intense scowling at each other later, Talos spoke, “I’ll call Carol.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” Fury’s expression betrayed very little, but Talos had studied it meticulously. He knew fear when he saw it.

“Try me.


End file.
